Disgressed

I received eventually the two sets of comments on the extract from ‘The Dictator’s Daughter”, my revised version of this year’s Nanowrimo novel, which I entered for the ABNA competition. I think they are a bit less satisfactory than those for last year’s entry, but I suppose we must remember that the reviewers are only reading an extract, and apparently reading it rather quickly (The story isn’t set in the ‘known history’ of the Soviet Union, but in an imaginary country whose name is mentioned repeatedly).

Reviewer One:

What is the strongest aspect of this excerpt?

The author’s writing style is fluid and moves the story along well enough. I was interested to see where the author would take the story and to a limited degree there is at least an attempt at character development.

What aspect needs the most work?

This story is too closely tied in to the history of the Soviet Union. Simply throwing around words/phrases like ‘dialectic’ and ‘false consciousness’ does not make for an interesting excerpt. If the author wants to get into the details of Marxism/Communism then he/she should do so. Assigning random jargon in various parts of the story does more to take away from the atmosphere than add to it if said jargon is not contextualized. The idea behind the story is also not very original, especially when the author invokes Orwell.

What is your overall opinion of this excerpt?

This entry would be more interesting if the author stepped away from known history and tried to do something original in the ways of an economic system/government style. If not, then trying to stick to reality would only pay off if he created a contextually rich narrative and showed how his story differs from that of the well known stories we have for the French, Russian, and Chinese revolutions. Simply mentioning them isn’t enough.

Reviewer Two:

What is the strongest aspect of this excerpt?

I really like the premise in this excerpt of THE DICTATOR’S DAUGHTER. The idea of a child compiling the stories of her famous father has she remember them (as compared to other accounts or histories) is unique and fresh. I really hope the other stories in this novel continue in the same vain as this first one. The daughter’s perspective is captivating and entertaining. Nice job.

What aspect needs the most work?

There some grammatical, punctuation, and spelling errors in this excerpt from THE DICTATOR’S DAUGHTER that need attention. Most of this excerpt is very well done, so these errors stand out glaringly.

What is your overall opinion of this excerpt?

The premise of THE DICTATOR’S DAUGHTER, as the girl tells the stories of her father’s life from her memories and her perspective, is fresh and interesting. She is telling us her memories of her father, and how things really happened, as opposed to the “true stories” or the “official histories. I find this excerpt to be captivating and entertaining, to be moving along at a nice pace, to be well written overall, and to contain interesting characters and warm relationships. While this type of novel is not normally my cup of tea, I would really be interested in reading the entire book. Nice job.

Hmm…